


Disengage

by jason6297



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Emotional Constipation, Mild Meltdown, Strained Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 16:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jason6297/pseuds/jason6297
Summary: Donatello Is A Piece Of Shit, Avoids Blame And Responsibility, And Proceeds To Isolate In A Fit Of Self Loathing





	Disengage

**Author's Note:**

> this is a shitty drabble i wrote on the toilet w no further proofing or editing. donnie Sure Is Something huh guys :')

He fucked up again. Donatello has a history of disregarding his brothers feelings and doing things that they don't understand or appreciate. Sometimes the lack of understood communication makes things more difficult than they should be. Donnie knows this. He knows he doesn't say things the right way. Not nice enough, not clear enough, not in a way that makes sense to the others. He is very well aware what the issue is but for 17 years has never been able to figure out how to _fix_ it.

Don barely has time to slip into his room and decompress after a disastrous mission before someone decides to come yell at him. Even though he already knows he fucked up. And he does know that he did, just doesn't know how or why. Doesn't know how to be better. He knows that his thinking process doesn't make things any less hurtful to his brothers (or any less dangerous).

There are exactly three knocks on the wall (why three, they all know he hates things in isolates trios, two or four or more is fine, why do they always knock thrice) and Donnie turns to acknowledge who is in his doorway. Leo is standing here, arms crossed, at his full height. Pissed.

"Go away, Leo, I just want to be a-"

"Yeah, well I don't care. You can _not_ keep doing this." Leo unfolds his arms and marches right up to his brother.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Donnie half-lies and backs up a few paces, holding his hands out in a 'back off' gesture as he turns his head to scowl at the wall. His mouth is dry and he very much does not want Leo in his room now. He knows where this is headed, and he doesn't like it because its never pretty.

Leonardo does not relent, stepping deeper into his twins personal space. Donnie's thighs hit the edge of his desk. He quickly glances behind him to check if he is in danger of knocking over anything important. Leo thrusts a finger onto Dons chest, jabbing harshly for emphasis.

"No, Donnie, don't fucking run away from me. You always do this. You always fuck up and pretend it never happened, like you never hurt anyone, never insult anyone, never put us in danger, never- _urgh_!" Leo throws his arms up, "I'm sick of it, man! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Donnie struggles to respond, words getting caught in his throat and manifesting into a strained grumble. He's frustrated with himself too! He wants to talk about it, apologize, ask what specifically went wrong because honestly he doesn't know where he messed up! Donnie just wants to get this over with, he wants to finally stop being difficult for once. He continuously slaps his palms on the edge of his desk, looking directly at their feet. His mouth opens and closes uselessly, mind full of dentences but none able to come out.

"Oh no, fuck you, don't you dare pull this garbage on me - this is BULLSHIT, D!" Donnie flinches at the snarl.

"L-Leon p'ease stoppit I don't, I don't wanna do right now p'ease no," Donnie barely gets the words out as a whisper. There is so much going on, and talking is so hard. Why can't Leo ever get that he doesn't WANT to be like this! Raph babies him about it and Mikey never understands so he never says anything. But Leo always gets so mad.

"Oh PLEASE! You KNOW you can't keep using this dumb act as an excuse to get away with being the worst on the team. You're a horrible teammate. You're a horrible BROTHER!"

There's a deep beat of silence after the outburst. Donnie's wide eyes stare at the floor, his jaw trembling. Leo sneers and turns away. Leo snatches the curtains in the entryway to his brothers room and rips them off, throwing them onto the hallway floor.

Don can barely hold it together long enough for Leo to be out of sight, audibly stomping down the hall, before he drops to the floor. He has a strong grip on each of his shoulders, shaking his head while rocking back and forth.

He hates this. He hates that he chokes up under the slightest emotional stress. He hates that his body does this to him, makes him seem even more selfish and childish and weak.

Donnie digs his fingers, claws sinking into his thick leather-like skin. He doesn't feel the blood pooling under his fingertips. He doesn't care that he is hitting the back of his head on the desk, or that his tech goggles have fallen to the floor, or that his curtains are ripped, or that Leo is blasting metal in the game room, or, or, or--!

Donnie's eyes sting with tears, both from the emotional turmoil and the excessive staring. He thunks his head even harder on the desk a few times and drops to the floor on his side. Donnie weakly kicks his legs a bit as he quivers on the floor. He continues to do so until he calms down enough to start hyperventilating for a few minutes before stilling. The second oldest turtle stays there for several more minutes before gathering himself to sit up.

Donatello glumly looks across the room and accepts what just happened. The teen slowly stands up and goes to pick up his entry curtain, inspecting the jagged rip in the fabric. Knowing it is trash anyway, he uses it to dab the drying blood off his shoulders. He then folds it neatly, puts it on his desk chair, and starts taking the remaining curtain off the rings holding it up. He puts the remains on top of the rest. Donnie then makes his way to his lab and makes sure to lock the door when he shuts it.

Don refuses to come out for dinner. Sleeps on the cot he keeps for overnight studies. Does not respond to announcements for breakfast. Ignores Mikey's invitation for any sort of leisure. Denies Raph's request to join dinner. Sleeps in his lab again. Skips breakfast. Sips from a leftover gatorade in his minifridge and dubs it lunch. Takes a nap to ignore hunger after dinner. Stays up all night rewiring his tech bo, although there was no need to. Sleeps through breakfast and lunch. No one bothers him about dinner this time. Donatello hopes they won't bother him for a while. He can't stand thinking they all resent him. He can't stand that no matter how much he wants to, he will never change.


End file.
